Messages In This Digest (1 Message)
- 1.1.
- Re: The Magical Bully From: Amye Farrell Katz, LMT
Message
- 1.1.
-
Re: The Magical Bully
Posted by: "Amye Farrell Katz, LMT" alekeymon@yahoo.com alekeymon
Thu Jun 23, 2011 11:07 pm (PDT)
My two cents?
I just had a bully in my life, thank god she wasn't part of the magical community.
I was picked on and harassed for about a year. I was forced to stand up for myself because no one wanted to get involved or they thought it was funny.
She would tell people that she wanted to get along with me, but yet would try to force (yes, force) other people to not even speak to me.
At one time, I almost did a take down on her (self defense move) because I told her to never touch me again and she did. Again. (We were arguing at the time when she tapped me on the shoulder......) Other times, I tried to ignore her and it only made matters worse since she wasn't the center of attention.
No, I never tried to be civil. I just tried to ignore her. I felt that if I even tried to be civil, she would see that as a weakness to exploit. And, I did not trust her. I sensed a lot of darkness in her and tried to stay away from it.
We rented space together in an office. Our landlord enabled her and all of her evilness and trust me, she is evil. But then, I should mention that not only is she abusive, so is the landlord. I discovered that a little too late about him.
I finally, finallylearned how to stand up for myself and I was the bad guy. My landlord decided not to renew my lease. But he renewed hers.
So, my two cents? It's not worth standing up to a bully. In the end, it causes even more problems than it's worth and the price I may end up paying is even more steep.
I realize I sound bitter and honestly I am. Like I said, I finally have the courage and whatever else I need to deal with it on my own and I'm the bad guy. Yes, I am proud that I was finally able to face it on my own, but the outcome totally sucks.
Like I said, just my two cents.......
--- On Thu, 6/23/11, Lady Nightshayde <LadyNightshayde9@aol.com > wrote:
From: Lady Nightshayde <LadyNightshayde9@aol.com >
Subject: [13Witches] The Magical Bully
To: 13Witches@yahoogroups.com , whisperingwitches@yahoogroups. com
Date: Thursday, June 23, 2011, 11:46 PM
The Magical Bully
When you think back to grade school, are your clearest memories of the
bullies in your class and their endless and insidious torments? This is
probably true of middle school and high school as well. Some things never change,
even into adulthood bullies seldom change their ways. Well, I'm here to tell
you, the longer we allow the bullying to continue without confronting the
behavior, the more it will always continue.
Bullies in Magical Communities
Those of us who belong to a coven or who are active in magical communities
no doubt have come in contact with what I call the magical bully. These are
people who, like their forebears on the playground, endlessly brag (about all
of their magical affiliations) and (as if anyone really cares) seek to "one
up" anyone else who will listen to them. They will feign interest in asking
you about your training and how you came to the Craft, and the moment you open
yourself up they will snicker. Despite the fact that you long ago left the
playground behind, the magical bully almost always leaves you feeling down
and out of place.
In general, the magical bully always has to be heard. They want the first
word and the last, even if they contradict themselves or are simply wrong.
Whether they actually know more than everyone else doesn't matter, because they
are certain they do. Typically, magical bullies see themselves far
differently than others actually do--usually as a great benefactor rather than
a manipulator. If they are reading this, they will not see that this applies to
them.
The magical bully criticizes everyone and everything. Their view of life is
essentially negative, and eventually no one wants to be around them except
those individuals who are just like them. The magical bully is an emotional
batterer. You can never do anything right; they are here to correct you and
make you better as a result.
Ultimately, their goal is to control those closest to them--the magical
community they claim to embrace. If you disagree with them, the magical bully
will fly into a tirade, perhaps even a rage, until you just shut up and they
"win."
General Bully Traits
To help you recognize a magical bully, here are some general traits they
typically exhibit:
The magical bully is:
A master liar, especially when confronted. They often will blame others for
any misunderstandings. The magical bully excels at deception and should
never be given the benefit of the doubt.
A charmer. But this is the false charm of a "Jekyll and Hyde" quality.
They do not show their vicious side publicly whenever possible, but tell their
true feelings to a confidant. They employ harm to gain things they want. It
is generally excessive in nature. They are sycophants.
Glib, verbose, and says a lot about nothing. In the end, their point is
often lost in their wordiness, and you leave feeling they've stuffed your head
with a lot of nothing. The bully usually only possesses superficial knowledge,
and relies more on hearsay than on actual study.
Illogical and flighty, even contradictory, in their thinking, often
contradicting themselves. Confront them with the contradictions and watch them
squirm.
Exceptionally gifted at knowing what someone wants to hear and at presenting
convincing arguments.
Irresponsible and not to be relied on. The magical bully is not capable of
sustaining intimacy in relationships.
Emotionally immature. They may speak like an adult, but they react like a
five-year-old. Tantrums are not uncommon.
Deeply prejudiced, exhibiting a hatred for the opposite sex, of different
religions or races. Typically, they try to hide this from the community,
though it is often very obvious to everyone.
Arrogant and opinionated, yet projects a sense of being untouchable. Rules
do not apply to them, though they love imposing rules on others.
Compulsive and a control freak. They want to control what you say and do.
If you act independently, they will attempt to restrict you and even damage
your standing in the community.
Ruthless. They will do anything they can to undermine or destroy the
standing of the person who sees through their bravado. They usually do this by
unconsciously projecting their own character flaws on to this person.
Adept at creating conflict between individuals whom they see as their
enemies.
False in making claims about education, knowledge, expertise, and
experience. They live in a false reality and fabricate their existence to be
what they really wish it could be. The magical bully is a phony, but excels at
presenting a believable self to the community. They also appear to truly
believe in this fabrication.
Selfish and self-aggrandizing. The magical bully has only self-preservation
in mind at all times. They are not a team player.
Callous and insensitive to the needs of others. They will gossip, backstab,
and start rumors to discredit others. If confronted, they will deny they
said anything.
A lousy and ungenerous giver. They will never volunteer to do anything for
the sake of the community. They'll always be around to "advise," but never
to do any sort of work.
Be Magical In Dealing With A Bully
Does this sound like anyone you know? Bullies cause a great deal of stress
wherever they live, work, worship, and play. This stress becomes unhealthy
for people who have to deal with them on a daily basis. So, the question is:
How should we deal with such a person? Is there anything we can do to
protect ourselves?
First and foremost, once you make a determination based on the character
points above, you should not hesitate: vote them out of your coven or
community. Do yourself a favor and keep them from threatening you and your spiritual
beliefs ever again. And do not let them charm their way back in to your
circle or community. They are not going to change. This behavior is a pattern
that no doubt goes back to their childhood.
As a special warning to coven and community leaders: The magical bully will
want to be your special friend. They want to have your authority and your
respect, but they don't want to work to get it. They will present one face to
you and another to your coven members or community. The end result is that
your coven members and community will resent you for not seeing through this
bully. And once you lose your standing in the coven or community as a result
of constantly praising, rewarding, or defending your bully while your coven
and community members are being maligned by them, the magical bully will move
on to another group or community and will have nothing good to say about you.
After reading this, you may be thinking, well, this bully behavior applies
to people in my workplace, in my family, and in my circle of friends who have
nothing to do with the magical community. All I can say is: Bingo!
Bullies are bullies. You must recognize them where you find them and get
them out of your life. They are everywhere.
The European community is miles ahead of the United States in recognizing
the destruction that bullies cause. They have legislation for dealing with
such people in the workplace and community. I can only hope the United States
will follow their example some time in the near future.
by Shadow Cat,
The light of a hundred stars cannot equal the light of the Moon.
Love Each Day,
Lady Nightshayde
http://groups.yahoo.com/ group/13Witches/
http://groups.yahoo.com/ group/Whispering Witches/
http://groups.yahoo.com/ group/MagickalMe als/
http://groups.yahoo/group/ NightshaydesNews
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